21 August 2009

Adoption vs. Homegrown

I was recently asked to write about adoption vs. biological child. Since I have only been in the process of both I will write about that. We are currently on a list for International Adoption. Our journey for a child began about 5 years ago when I was 36. When we did not easily get pregant I will say that I experimented with some milder fertility treatments in the beginning. I felt pretty insane hormonally and decided I did not want to take this any farther. My hormones were screaming to procreate but intellectually and heart-fully I knew I wanted to be a parent. I did not need it to be my egg. My husband felt the same.

We started to investigate adoption. I am Japanese/French/German born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah. (yes really!) My brother and I being the only half Asians in our school growing up, I had always been somewhat treated like I was from a different country other than born and raised in Utah so it felt natural for me to look to an international adoption for our child. And now living in the Bay Area I knew my child would be accepted as any race.

We found out that since we had only recently been married, even though we had been together for many years that this was an issue. Most international countries ask for 2-5 years of marriage before you can apply. Others have restrictions for age. Which my husband was at the 45 year mark and that is out in some countries. One thinks these rules are strict, I do agree, but with an international adoption one has got to see things from their point of view. In Central Asia where we eventually picked, people life expectancy is into their sixties. So from their perspective, why are we adopting over 45 if we might live to 60?

We just barely met the requirements for Kyrgyzstan, a country south Kazakhstan and west China. I loved the mix of the people and liked the idea that if our kid didn't want everyone to know they were adopted that they could probably pass as our kid. Not that I cared, I wanted the kid to find their way to fit into this world. An issue any kid has adopted or not.

What I have learned is their are advantages for adoption, I have met a whole extended family in this world. I have met kids that melt your heart. I have read that only 1% of kids without parents find a forever home.

I also know how incredibly hard it is to wait, and wait, and wait. I would tell people if you are interested in adopting it will most likely take you from 3-5 years. Yes really. Currently the International climate is not easy to adopt. Waits are very long and countries close or are put on moratorium for political reasons. This is what happened to us. Since August 2008 adoption in Kyrgyzstan came to a screeching halt. All through 2009 we have been trying to decide on other options. Things did not seem promising and we had been waiting almost two years at this point for our adoption.

Well I surrendered frustrated with the adoption process. To make a long story short, with the help of a very talented Naturopath who worked with homeopathy and acupuncture, at 41, I am 3 months pregnant!

I had given up even wanting to be pregnant. I would have been totally happy with an adopted child. Not that I am not happy now, I am thrilled. I only wish those kids who need good families could find their way into loving parents homes more easily.

So it's a boy! (surprise) We wanted one child but maybe baby o will still come from Kyrgyzstan? We are still on the list, after all..... I surrendered right?

The only advise I have since it is such an individual process is that your heart does open down each path you take.